julia - Lilly Friend Project

Preliminary Questions

1. Where do you live?

greenpoint

2. Are you crazy?

Yes No

3. Do you want more friends?

internet friends in-person friends both

Open Questions

1. Why are you filling out this questionnaire?

i love meeting strangers and i think this is awesome!!! i saw this project mentioned in NYT and thought it was a super funny and great idea.

2. How many "close friends" (by close friends I mean people that you see more than twice a month if they live in the tri-state area or if they are a long-distance friend that you speak with at least twice a month) do you have?

at least 7-8

3. It's Saturday morning! What time are you up and what do you want to do with the day?

i am probably up by 12ish. if the weather is nice, i want to go to the park! i love to spend time hanging out at the park with friends listening to music and catching up and eating snacks. sometimes i go to brunch or will explore a new neighborhood if i am feeling adventurous. i also really like going to the diner with my boyfriend or best friend if we are hungover.

4. Do you like to go to any kind of cultural experiences? What kind and how often?

i don't really go to any cultural experiences on a regular basis. i love to try new things and learn about different cultures and traditions though so i definitely go to events from time to time if invited by a friend.

5. How do you feel about Amy Winehouse?

i love amy winehouse!!! i think she is an extremely talented singer who was maligned by the media (add her to the list of complicated famous women maligned by the media!!). my favorite song of hers is probably "tears dry on their own".

6. "Uh oh! I'm experiencing a negative emotion"; what happens inside you? How do you deal with it?

knee jerk is get upset with myself. i have spent a lot of time working on accepting negative emotions rather than fighting them. i don't like it when things don't go according to how i envisioned them, so i think sometimes my brain sees negative emotions as unpleasant and unwanted interruptions that should be pushed away or ignored. recently i have been trying to slow down and allow myself to feel whatever negative emotion rather than getting mad that i am feeling a way i don't want to or piling onto myself even more negativity.

7. How do you feel about school and teachers?

i think school is awesome and teachers are one of the most important professions. a good teacher can change someone's life and it makes me HEATED that teachers are not paid the way they deserve. i spent one year as an english teacher in spain and i sometimes think about going back to teaching again one day, but it is just such an intense and often thankless job. i think education is one of the most valuable gifts a person can be given and i wish it was more highly valued.

8. What is the most meaningful way to spend time?

with people you love! if you are with the right people, even the most annoying errands or stupid tasks can be made fun and meaningful.

9. What is your favorite law (if you do not have a favorite, what is one that you think of positively)?

this is such a great question. any law that protects universal voting rights is probably my favorite law.

10. What app on your phone (other than essentials) is your most used app?

i use spotify a lot, as well as youtube. i also use citymapper all the time to make my commutes as efficient as possible.

11. What are you hoping to get from filling this out?

i dont really know. i just thought it was a really cool thing and kind of wanted to see what the questions were!

Multiple-Choice Questions

1. If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, which one would you choose:

Scary Sporty Baby Ginger Posh

2. The worst month is:

January March July November I don't think about this way

3. Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Eat to live Live to eat I'm really not sure It's complicated.... 🙁 I'm uncomfortable by this question and prefer not to answer

4. How do you feel about August: Osage County:

Love that movie! Hate that play! I thought it was a moving and interesting depiction of the American family Merryl Streep was great(doi!) and I am indifferent/feel somewhat positive about it Don't know what that is

5. How often do you speak about your love life with your friends?

A lot Not that often Once every other time I feel it out and need to make sure I don't talk about it too much Everytime I see my best friends

6. Your biggest fear about getting older is:

Becoming irrelevant Running out of time My body falling apart Becoming boring I'm not afraid of getting older

7. Dogs wearing clothes are:

Adorable and necessary for their comfort Humiliating for the dog Fine for practical reasons only (rain, cold) A symptom of social rot Depends entirely on the dog's attitude about it

8. People who don't tip well:

Probably just don't understand how service industry works Are fundamentally bad people Might be going through something financially Should be banned from restaurants I don't judge people's tipping habits

9. Distance in relationships:

Is always a sign something is wrong Can actually strengthen the bond between people Should be avoided at all costs Is necessary for maintaining mystery Means someone isn't trying hard enough

10. The best way to end a text conversation is:

Just stop responding when it feels natural Say 'okay talk soon!' or similar Send a thumbs up emoji You don't end them, they just fade There is no good way

11. The phrase "it is what it is" is:

Zen wisdom Giving up disguised as acceptance Sometimes true, sometimes lazy The most annoying phrase in English Perfect for ending awkward conversations

12. When someone consistently disappoints you, you:

Keep giving them chances because that's what loyalty means Gradually distance yourself while remaining cordial Have a direct conversation about expectations Cut them off immediately - life's too short Use it as an opportunity to examine your own expectations

13. How do you feel about answering all these questions:

Annoyed - this was way too long Intrigued - I enjoyed thinking about these things Resentful - some of these felt invasive Excited to discuss my answers with someone Neutral - just another survey

14. If we met in person, what would you want to talk about first:

Something completely unrelated to this questionnaire Why you asked such weird questions The answers we disagreed on most Whatever comes up naturally in conversation I'd rather just see what happens

Essay Question

Please describe a friend breakup you have gone through. If you haven't gone through a friend breakup, please explain why you think you have never gone through a friend breakup. Outline a major friendship in your life and explain why it is successful.

i had one major friend breakup in my adult life but it was with an entire friend group. my high school friends and i went on a trip to the jersey shore the summer between our junior and senior year of college, about 5 years ago. i was kind of in a bad place and got into a weird disagreement with one of the girls in my friend group. looking back, i think we both were just going through it and were not meshing well, but i felt like she was kind of upset with me for being up front about my mental health struggles but wouldn't be honest about it and instead was more and more passive aggressive with me as the trip went on until she blew up. we had a disagreement (again, i can barely remember why other than that she was upset i had a panic attack?) and i decided to leave the trip early because i was having a really tough time and needed to prioritize my mental health. i told the rest of my friends what was going on and that i still loved all of them but just needed space, and they all told me they completely understood and wanted me to do what was right for me. however, after the trip, i never heard from any of them ever again. i think that the friend who i got into the disagreement with spread rumors or something? but i never got an explanation for why i got totally ghosted by them. they all posted pictures of the vacation with me cropped out as though i had never even been there. i texted one of my closest friends in the group asking what was up and saying i was happy to talk about anything i may have done to hurt them, but she told me nothing was wrong and then stopped responding altogether. it ended up being for the best, because i think we didn't have much in common anymore and had grown differently between high school and college. it was hard to get over, but i don't really hold resentment towards them anymore. the weird part is the girl i had the initial falling out with was (and still is) trying to be tiktok famous, so i get random intrusions of her into my life. i would be lying if i said i didn't make fun of her tiktok presence but i can't help it! if your frenemy had an embarrassing tiktok presence you would also hate watch it sometimes too i bet.
on the other hand, one of my best friendships is successful because we are direct communicators with each other. obviously we have all of the classic friendship stuff - we make each other laugh all the time, love going on adventures together, and we can talk about anything. i think the two main reasons that we have such a great friendship is we somehow never get sick of each other and can talk about the same thing over and over and over and still have fun talking about it again, and because whenever we have disagreements or one of us hurts the other one's feelings we can have honest conversations about it. neither of us get defensive and because we both love each other and don't want to hurt each other we are happy to acknowledge if behavior unintentionally upset the other person. we have been friends for over 7 years and barely fight, but i know if anything comes up between us we will be able to get over it, which is a really comforting feeling. i am also an anxious person and really appreciate that she and i take each other at face value and really accept each other for who we are. i never need to worry if she is upset with me, because if she is she will be straight up and tell me (and vice versa).