Jahan Hashemi - Lilly Friend Project

Preliminary Questions

1. Where do you live?

Brooklyn

2. Are you crazy?

Yes No

3. Do you want more friends?

internet friends in-person friends both

Open Questions

1. Why are you filling out this questionnaire?

I saw the flyer and was intrigued! And then the craigslist-inspired site design really reeled me in. I haven't listened to the podcast yet (I'm writing this Nov. 5th—do these quizzes track that?). I thought it'd feel more in the spirit of your project to fill this out first. Also, a part of me is really interested in friendship and what it means. I didn't have many models of friendship from my parents growing up, and while I had friends growing up, I think deeper emotional connections are rarer for me.

2. How many "close friends" (by close friends I mean people that you see more than twice a month if they live in the tri-state area or if they are a long-distance friend that you speak with at least twice a month) do you have?

Currently like 3 friends I'll see at least twice a month. Maybe 3-4 friends I'll see once a month. Plus a group of rpg and tabletop game friends I'll see 2-3 times a month. For long-distance close friends, I'd say just one (as Joja Siwa would say... "my ex!!!"). We talk a few times a month ever since she moved a couple months ago.

3. It's Saturday morning! What time are you up and what do you want to do with the day?

Hmmm, most of the timeeee maybe like awake at 10am. Sip on coffee in bed until 11. Maybe play a video game or guitar for an hour, and then since it's gross outside I might go to the pottery studio to throw some stuff on the wheel. Instead of the pottery studio, sometimes I'll go to museums, bop around thrift shops in the neighborhood, walk in the park. Occasionally grab brunch with friends. In the spring and summer I'll go to the botanic gardens frequently.

4. Do you like to go to any kind of cultural experiences? What kind and how often?

Yup! I like to go to maybe 2-4 events a month that probably fit into a "cultural experience". Museums, comedy shows, and concerts mainly.

5. How do you feel about Amy Winehouse?

LOVE Back to Black. Honestly I haven't listened to her other albums, so thank you for reminding me of her! She is one of the greats for sure. Perfect for a fall vibe tbh.

6. "Uh oh! I'm experiencing a negative emotion"; what happens inside you? How do you deal with it?

I used to ruminate on negative emotions in the form of anxious thoughts. Now, through the help of therapy haha, I'm getting better at trying to pick my battles with negative emotions. Sometimes that is challenging them (such as asking anxious thoughts what evidence I have for those worries), sometimes it is sitting with those emotions (letting them pass without agitation), sometimes it is comforting myself in response to them (using the negative emotions for insight).

7. How do you feel about school and teachers?

Mixed feelings. The public school system I went through often tailored teaching to a specific set of neurotype, a rigid sense of gender norms, focused on test scores, lied on topics of history, and did little to explore cultural norms across the world. So I think schooling fails us in many ways, but I think it's a useful tool to force us all to socialize from a young age. Teachers are underpaid, and I had a few bad ones.

8. What is the most meaningful way to spend time?

I feel like it changes by the day. Honestly, sometimes it is creating art, and sometimes it is spending time with loved ones.

9. What is your favorite law (if you do not have a favorite, what is one that you think of positively)?

Um I guess the Civil Rights Act of 1964? I haven't thought about it tbh.

10. What app on your phone (other than essentials) is your most used app?

Um probably IG currently.

11. What are you hoping to get from filling this out?

I think hopes would be that it leads to some new connection or connections, or perhaps some interesting conversation. I'm definitely welcoming new friendships at my life currently. And at least it was kinda fun to journal in a friend questionnaire format.

Multiple-Choice Questions

1. If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, which one would you choose:

Scary Sporty Baby Ginger Posh

2. The worst month is:

January March July November I don't think about this way

3. Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Eat to live Live to eat I'm really not sure It's complicated.... 🙁 I'm uncomfortable by this question and prefer not to answer

4. How do you feel about August: Osage County:

Love that movie! Hate that play! I thought it was a moving and interesting depiction of the American family Merryl Streep was great(doi!) and I am indifferent/feel somewhat positive about it Don't know what that is

5. How often do you speak about your love life with your friends?

A lot Not that often Once every other time I feel it out and need to make sure I don't talk about it too much Everytime I see my best friends

6. Your biggest fear about getting older is:

Becoming irrelevant Running out of time My body falling apart Becoming boring I'm not afraid of getting older

7. Dogs wearing clothes are:

Adorable and necessary for their comfort Humiliating for the dog Fine for practical reasons only (rain, cold) A symptom of social rot Depends entirely on the dog's attitude about it

8. People who don't tip well:

Probably just don't understand how service industry works Are fundamentally bad people Might be going through something financially Should be banned from restaurants I don't judge people's tipping habits

9. Distance in relationships:

Is always a sign something is wrong Can actually strengthen the bond between people Should be avoided at all costs Is necessary for maintaining mystery Means someone isn't trying hard enough

10. The best way to end a text conversation is:

Just stop responding when it feels natural Say 'okay talk soon!' or similar Send a thumbs up emoji You don't end them, they just fade There is no good way

11. The phrase "it is what it is" is:

Zen wisdom Giving up disguised as acceptance Sometimes true, sometimes lazy The most annoying phrase in English Perfect for ending awkward conversations

12. When someone consistently disappoints you, you:

Keep giving them chances because that's what loyalty means Gradually distance yourself while remaining cordial Have a direct conversation about expectations Cut them off immediately - life's too short Use it as an opportunity to examine your own expectations

13. How do you feel about answering all these questions:

Annoyed - this was way too long Intrigued - I enjoyed thinking about these things Resentful - some of these felt invasive Excited to discuss my answers with someone Neutral - just another survey

14. If we met in person, what would you want to talk about first:

Something completely unrelated to this questionnaire Why you asked such weird questions The answers we disagreed on most Whatever comes up naturally in conversation I'd rather just see what happens

Essay Question

Please describe a friend breakup you have gone through. If you haven't gone through a friend breakup, please explain why you think you have never gone through a friend breakup. Outline a major friendship in your life and explain why it is successful.

I've only gone through one big friend breakup that wasn't just a slow drifting away (I think maybe I've let friendships fade, or others have broken up with me in that way). When I was 19 my friend Christine said she didn't want to talk any more, and I was honestly quite surprised. I can't remember exactly how things unfolded, but if I remember right I think I wasn't showing up enough in the friendship and that she had had feelings for me at one point. So I think continuing the friendship felt unhealthy for her. I think I wanted to visit her in freshman year of college and then when trying to plan it we texted about it and had a friend break up over text.

Honestly one major friendship I have in life is my ex (dated 7.5 years). We've been broken up for 2 years now, and I think our current friendship is successful because we have a lot in common and an overlap in our humor. We weren't as close the first six months to a year post breakup, but I think we've supported each other since. Like before she recently moved, we would show up for each other's events, and hang out occasionally, but we also didn't force each other to best friends like we were as partners. We'll always support one another, but I think it kinda feels more like family. Who knows how we'll be years from now, but I hope we remain good friends.